I always suggest to people to come up with solutions when they have complaints. If we are able to complain, than we must have something to offer up as a remedy. Empty complaints are meaningless and a waste of time. If we do not like what we see, then change it...or begin working on ideas to resolve/rectify it...

I know this too..and found it out because I had a relative who would constantly complain and drain me, then I would call two, three friends to find out if I gave her the right answers.

This took a toll on my energy, phone bill, time..and my business was left behind in a disarray just like hers.. Sometimes I took a whole day to recover. Now I no longer do that and therefore do not 'own' those problems anymore.. So I am free..to do only nice things for myself.

Thanks for this post Dr. Dheena.

Cheryl + Jenn- Thank you. Indeed. Its simply appalling how addictive this habit is among some individuals. All I say is 1+1=2 ALWAYS, unless you change the variables on your side of the equation! How can there be change unless you create it yourself? The hallucination of everything to fall into a beautiful array over night SOMEDAY will only remain a hallucination for those who do absolutely nothing about their situation. We have everything it takes to SYNTHESIZE the change, you only need the audacity to get them in motion.

It depends...The visceral need to be UNDERSTOOD especially after a trauma [ and there are many traumas going on in the world at this very moment] which creates the " POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS Syndrome" must be recognized. Often teams of experts are hurried to a site when it happens.
ROMEO DALLAIRE in RWANDA suffered this and needed so much help! We also encourage children to express their fears and all negative feelings BECAUSE " WHAT IS NOT EXPRESSED IS SUPPRESSED" and grows geometrically in the subconscience... and FORMS a HARD, INDESTRUCTIBLE EGO for the rest of their lives, quite often!!!
I have a girlfriend who does need such CATHARSIS and I do LISTEN ACTIVELY to her !!! It is easy since I saw with my own eyes the ABUSE she endured!!!
But, of course, complaining and whining for trivial things and as a habit must be discouraged with SOFT explanations and kindness!!! Once they become AWARE, they often modify their behavior!!!

@ Therese, from my experience, a constant complainer just take their issues to someone else, when they can no longer 'use' an individual..this is like a flea hooping off a dead's dog's back..

I think the scenario of someone who has a particular problem is differnt to someone who lives to complain and enjoys being a 'victim'..

" Too often time is wasted complaining which could have been utilized in implementing constructive thoughts into action to solve your current crisis."

In other words, briefly acknowledge that a product or service could be improved, then immediately channel the appropriate time and money into implementing the solution.

That is ALSO true, Jennifer...I agree totally ... but sometimes some are TRULY victims who shoud be heard... like the girl/ now lady of 29 years old who was recently discovered, after 18 years of slavery to a SEX maniac!!! Her and her children will need to be listened to and so does so many who are not as lucky[ what we call in psychology " life chances"] as , let's say , I am right now!!!

Yes I know Therese..the genuines one.I am aware of Jacyee Dugard and I posted something on her situation as well..and my heart goes out to women and girl children all over the world who are suffering..You are right on that..

I was referring to the constant niggler who returns 'day in day out' with the same type of problem..and never getting off the ground, even though there are so many resources available..

Therese- In the case/s you mention, they need help. So it doesn't fall under the physiologic complaining :) What I implied is the habitual whining for no reason except exactly that. It in ITSELF turns pathological on the long run to the individual as there would be no progress propagated except dissipate energy with no action.

there is a profound difference between the regular complaining and exploiting internal arenas of damaged victims. The latter require ALL the support, encouragement and Love from every possible degrees available. They are not oriented and need help.

Jenn- Agreed being that victim is also definitely a choice in this case.

Absolutely, I agree...again, Dheena!!!. Some can be helped if they are open to helping themselves! I am far from being STOIC myself and I have also complained at times...seeking understanding and empathy with a little dose of compassion as a plus.
I must say that my girlfriend has evolved tremendously because of many reasons , 3 of them being:
1) she TRULY felt understood by me [ I know how it feels , not to be understood because I did not get it when I needed it until I read Patricia Evans' books so I got it vicariously];
2) she studied Buddhism and tried to apply some of the basic principles in her life;
3} She did YOGA and MEDITATION and really sought spiritual growth.... Read More
I am convinced that feeling UNDERSTOOD [ I see it ALLLLL the time on FACEBOOK... look at the way you, sweet and tactful Dheena, make everyone FEEL understood... and even if we are NOT pathological we LIKE it .

A little complaining is good....people who do not complain do not yearn for betterment. The abscence of complaining is often the detriment of any human to human relationship because there is a void where communication should be and people are keeping all their feelings and unhappiness bottled up inside instead of expressing and articulating whatever the irritants may be.

This applies to a customer and service provider relationship asl well as ordinary family relations......... Gabriel a customer can only acknowledge a service or product provided sucks...it is the onus of the product or service provider to do whatever 'implentation' for improvement and from my experience the motivation for a company to address it's crappy service is often varying....some companies will seek to make ammends immediately while others couldn't give a damn.....let me hear all the Trinis on this topic say BLINK BROAD BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So true OKE , how can we be AUTHENTIC and truthful if we hide our true emotions and problems most of the time but as you say " a little complaining" with a positive attitude to solve the situation...and with no constant REHASHING!!! I guess we ALL agree!

yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss merci ma belle.