45. Your Choice  

Posted by Dr. Dheena Sadik in , , , ,

It's better to be temporarily single than be permanently in Love with someone who neither appreciate nor deserve You!

After I updated the above on Twitter I received an unbelievable response, some also via email. As much as some agreed there were others who misunderstood the depth of the point. Hence, I decided to give you an explanation it deserves.

Please note- When I write, its neither based on movies nor on stories I was narrated. Instead it is constructed purely on my experiences and observations in my vicinity. In this case, I speak on behalf of those individuals, mostly females, who are suffering in silence. Not necessarily abused physically; Rather on behalf of those who portray a pretty rosy serene picture to the world outside their reality.

There are too many women who sacrifice their happiness on behalf of their parents, husband and finally children. Its an unbelievable vicious cycle that only stops as she departs this world. A permanent life long sacrifice all in the name of Love? It simply can't be fair. It only leaves me baffled with the reality hidden behind that meticulously attempted smile they wear to their conventional society. What's even more alarming is the magnitude of hope these women have in store. They feel its one step forward to wait, not to realize it recoils two steps behind. They believe someday they may be appreciated for all their patience. Patience till WHEN? is my question.

I believe there comes a point, when you don't deserve any more mental agony, any more emotion handicap, when you should become more pragmatic and stop day dreaming of that day which has taken way too long already to arise. It may simply be that tone which cannot be molded to a more respectable version. When You are being mistreated over and over again- It simply SHOULD change. There are more women than you can ever imagine who live in a fantasy that someday life may evolve drastically for the better. Changes in personality requires time and effort. It never happens overnight in real world. You try your utmost to grow together until you deplete your strength. Beyond that it's simply futile. Like I mentioned in Post 43 ~ Love is an essential entity everyone needs till their last breathe, despite some too victimized via bitter experiences to admit this.

So let us hope that everyone would be true to their hearts and seek that which they deserve!

This entry was posted on Monday, June 29, 2009 at 2:32 AM and is filed under , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Its better to share your thoughts and feelings, love just happens, don't plan for it and my advice DON'T fight it. Go with the flow, make the most of the precious gift, otherwise you will be left wondering what if... and becoming depressed, bitter and old. There's someone for everyone, just pray and see!

June 29, 2009 at 3:29 AM

If we seek love "on the outside" in order to fulfill a personal loneliness or lack within, we enter relationships as "energy vampires."

June 29, 2009 at 12:13 PM

The problem is when you don't find that person that you are supposed to find and that love's you the way you deserve. Or when you really like someone even though you know you'll never have a chance with him, because he simply does not love you back... It's a bit hard, but we just need to hang on and wait for something better!

June 29, 2009 at 2:35 PM

Bhatti00- You have misunderstood the point behind this Post. It was on behalf of those suffering in Silence for a significant period all in the name of Love. True enough its never rosy 24/7; However, there is a practical limit to keep hoping forever.

Joe- Agreed. Sometimes, We need to look within ourselves as to what we deserve to figure out who/what/ where we need to look for on the exterior.

Anonymous- The Key is to recognize your reserves. Everyone is unique. Nobody can please everybody. But there are a few individuals if not for One that's looking for those qualities you possess; And that's what you should seek.

June 29, 2009 at 4:23 PM

Dr. Dina when you state, Suffer in Silence, do you mean women that refuse to lift their voice and speak out?

July 2, 2009 at 9:06 PM

The DiamondCoach- Yes, that's exactly what I meant. I have witnessed MANY women who are ambitious and got the potential to reach greater heights; However, their community mutes them from expressing there originality and passions. Its simply unbelievable. You speak to them in privacy and they would reveal their reality. Their dreams would only remain literal dreams. They have been warned time and again not to imagine "beyond" convention. Not to dare break that bubble fenced around them with over-protection. If they would even have an unusual opinion they are being frowned upon. Yes- I speak on behalf of them.

July 2, 2009 at 9:15 PM

Nice post, I think it's targeting married women, or women in relationship where they're not emotionally appreciated. That's why you mentioned "mostly females".

May be the nature of women make them more likely to be "oppressed" and "emotionally unappreciated" more than a man in an established relationship where the woman need to be with that person for some reason, be it social, financial or even emotional. Still her decision.

On the other hand, from my experience, women are more likely to be the "player" in a relationship, which brings up another type of emotional exhaustion which is more like a "instant shock" and "trauma" other than patience in a relationship that's not working.

- Abdo (FB: Abdelrahman)

July 30, 2009 at 7:16 PM

Abdo- Thank You. Interesting perspective. Well, I spoke on behalf on all the female victims, so honestly got no idea of the vice versa situation. Yes, I agree females are more inclined to have emotional fluctuations and higher expectations, specially seen in male dominant societies as there are points where its all or nothing and the all include all the warts in the package too.

July 31, 2009 at 2:36 AM
Kay Rudolph  

I couldn't agree more! I would much rather be miserable as a single than miserable being married to the wrong man.

July 31, 2009 at 2:46 AM

Kay- Agreed. Its indeed heart breaking to be someone and yet feel lonely at the same time!

July 31, 2009 at 2:47 AM
Therese Lepage- Lachapelle  

I totally agree with you! PATRICIA EVANS books explain this phenomenon sooo well! If human beings knew what is LOVE and RESPECT and had the ability to BE and DO both, it would be paradise on earth! Nevertheless, somehow WE sense and know when we are NOT loved and respected ! WE must TRUST our instincts as Patricia tells us! Also Barbara de Angelis in her book: Are YOU the ONE for ME? reinforces the same ideas!!! If only WE loved and respected OURSELVES , that would be the start ! As Dr. Phil says: YOU teach others how to treat YOU>>> I agree... to some extent

July 31, 2009 at 2:48 AM

Therese- Thank You for sharing!

July 31, 2009 at 2:49 AM
Jake Arturio Braden  

Agreed Diva, you can add men to that its not just women you know :-)

July 31, 2009 at 3:13 AM

Jake- I come from a male dominant society, so I still haven't see the scenario vice versa. fell free to share your stories :)

July 31, 2009 at 3:14 AM
Jake Arturio Braden  

Of course understand that! I feel this relates to many people male/female/transgendered, gay or str8, from a religious group or atheist etc.....

July 31, 2009 at 3:14 AM
Mariyam Tariq  

LOVE u Dina. Thanks. This for all those who degrade a woman's dignity in society as well to an extent .... that words r inadequate to explain........n its for .. women who live in a dream world ....!!!

July 31, 2009 at 3:15 AM
Sharon Gadbois  

Well said. Well written. Remember, though, that perception is reality.

July 31, 2009 at 3:16 AM
Mireya Mendez Klein  

Very true Dina, and it applies to both men and women...I will share this with my friends because I DO believe that we all have to be true to our hearts and live everyday as we choose, please and deserve. We feel love, we inspire love, we give love and we also receive it! we just have to open our eyes and hearts to see it and let it flow :) SMILE and you'll see...

July 31, 2009 at 3:16 AM

Thank You mariyam, Sharon, Mireya for your feedback and contributions.

July 31, 2009 at 3:18 AM
Dagmara Elminowska  

Fear of being alone can be strong but sometimes you can feel more alone with someone who is not right for you than being single. People stay with those who don't appreciate them because they don't appreciate themselves first. It can be hard to admit but its true.

Jake - well said - we deserve the best and can use the time of being single to be the best we can be!

I remember Lisa Nichols was talking about falling in love with ourselves and accepting what we cant change - she really made me think. I look at her radiating all the beauty and warmth and its what loving ourselves is about. The key is to see happiness in all different things in our life - not just our partner - it is an important aspect of life we long for but not just one.

July 31, 2009 at 5:00 PM

wow, Dheena, u've said it all, the twists and turns in this particular issue are bewildering, maybe that's why some people misunderstood you, but.... SALUTE, dear friend, nothing to add to this beautifully explained situation, yet nothing is beautiful about the situation itself, it's sad and very true

August 5, 2009 at 7:01 AM

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